The event was advertised as “The Big Chill” at the small Yoga studio that I attend. It was described as an enticing hour and a half of true relaxation. It was to be held late on a Saturday afternoon.
I arrived with only 5 minutes to spare. My reasoning was that 5 minutes was all that was needed to enter my name on the register and set my mat down. As well as this, I thought that there would be just a handful of others whose Saturday night meant a quiet night in and a large glass of something to dull the senses that are not being used in any type of vaguely exciting weekend way.
Therefore, I was more than a little shocked to open the door of the studio to find that the room was full. I mean, it was so crowded with yoga mats and bodies arranged in two lines against the walls that there was little space left for me. I felt an unpleasant warmth creeping from my core to my facade.
The feeling got warmer and more distressing still as I realised that there were no studio mats left to use. I did spy one mat on the floor under the desk of the teacher, but of course, I made the decision that this was his. I wasn’t happy (and a lot less ‘chilled’ than when I left home) but instead of asking the teacher what I should do, I came up with a solution and asked the teacher if I should use two of the old scrappy, ultra thin mats as there were no proper mats left. I actually did not need to ask for permission to do this and I really wish I hadn’t been at all resourceful. Other people followed me in the door, with even less than 5 minutes to go. One wandered in and asked for the mat at the feet of the teacher and it was handed over. Others meandered into the path between the two lines of mats and a couple of people offered mats that were beside them, all set up. Again, I had assumed too much – that these belonged to bodies already present in the studio. I now needed a lot more chilling that originally planned!
The instructor had a set of postures for us which were designed for us to relax into and give ourselves over to the quiet and the ambience of his melodic voice. So while I can see now that I may have needed quite a lot more time and effort to relax than when I walked in, I was struggling to feel comfortable in poses which required me to hug and rest my chest on a bolster. I would not describe my bosom to be large, it is more medium, I would have thought, but despite this, I felt unable to locate myself in any sort of comfortable array of limbs and torso and struggled through the 10 or so minutes that was set aside for each of these positions.
However, around halfway through the class, the instructor turned to postures which required slight backbends. The bolster was at my back and with the help of blocks, made me into a gentle convex curve. My head and shoulders were slightly inverted, my chest the highest point of my position. At this stage I suppose I had become more relaxed and I was relieved not to have to deal with trying to organise my boobs around a large rounded cushion, although I still would not have considered that I was in any euphoric state. Therefore what occurred next was a little disquieting. I was lying comfortably back and there was a sense of peace and relaxation created by the instructor. My heart was open to the heavens (okay, better described as the ceiling). Regardless, I experienced something that I did not expect. I felt my heart open. While that sounds physically impossible, and I guess it is, I definitely felt a great surge of energy that seemed to broaden my chest and leap out upwards. Heart opening is something that one hears about in a yoga class but I always thought that it may have been something that was more a metaphor rather than a real felt sense. I was wrong.
I cannot explain this actuality which in itself is discombobulating (I always want to use this word but rarely have the chance!). As well as that, my experience has only been related to one friend who I knew would not judge me as being sensational, overexcited or plainly ridiculous. I am confident that this was not imagined so this experience has taken me to a new conversion of belief in yogic practice.
The only explanation I can take from this experience is that perhaps all things in the world are not explicable. Yoga is also a “practice” so I shall continue to practise, knowing that I may never reach that particular state again.
While this experience has not affected my physical body to my knowledge, it does remind me that heart opening can be experienced in one’s thoughts and emotions. I think the world could do with more people who opened their heart to themselves and others.
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